crucible of ennui

 I don’t know why, but I’ve been on the downside streak of bad cooking. The green bean casserole didn’t turn out the way I wanted. I thought that I’d do it from scratch and follow that neat recipe on Good Eats, but the beans were still underdone and kinda crunchy. And the onion topping was mediocre to horrible (depending on whether I’m in the room or not). meh. I’ll try it again for tomorrow night when Glenn gets home and we have our Thanksgiving, but I’m going with those fried onions out of the can by French’s and maybe even getting frozen green beans so I don’t have to clean and prep 2 lbs of fresh beans again. 

Other than that - it’s been a pretty low-key weekend. Kinda boring. Not wanting to do much of anything. I’m not about to brave the malls or any other retail establishment. I’m just in an anti-holiday type of mood, I guess.

when it turns dark and the house is quiet and filled with shadows, I wish for something to bring me back to myself.

I’m way too hyper today.
I’m stuck inside the office until 5pm.
I want to go outside.
I want to be doing anything other than reviewing files.

I want to play pirates with my daughter.

I just haven’t been myself lately.
I think about Jenna all the time.
I just don’t know what to do with myself.
I’m having a hard time being motivated to do anything.

Snot. So much snot.

My nose is raw from how much nose-blowing I’ve had to do in the past 24 hours. Glenn was a lifesaver last night and gave Cat her bath and put her to bed. I ended up taking a bath and heading for bed at 6:30.

Considering how fast this came on, I’m expecting it to leave as quickly.

That’s right. I demand the germs leave my body IMMEDIATELY or face legal action.

So I’m going through my closet…

Black
Black
Black
Gray
Black
Navy
Black

You get the picture. Ugh… it’s like I’m in high school again. All I need is to whip out the Depeche Mode and Cure tapes, start smoking clove cigs again and bitch about my parents.

I need to go shopping.

Work is work. If it was fun, it wouldn’t be called work.

I’m pretty crabby/grumpy/bitchy at the moment. I’m a horrible housekeeper on many different levels, I procrastinate in every aspect of my life, I’m arrogant, jump to wrong conclustions and can spit a loogie farther than most men I know to this day.

Resolutions. I’m just not in the mood to make them. I feel like if I make a New Year resolution, it’s doomed to fall by the wayside.

The one thing I would love to change about myself is the determination and fortitude to finish projects. This would help me in so many different ways. I start out wonderfully, then lose steam way before anything gets accomplished. Then all my projects stack up, nothing gets done and I’m surrounded by piles of crap that are a reflections of my failure.  Which makes baby Jesus cry.

And I’ve got to say, it hurt to type out “failure.” Little tears of shame started to well up. Not sure if it’s self pity, inadequacy or frustration, maybe a combination of a few different things.

I hate PMS on January 1.

Besides uploading photos of the baby - I could probably upload the photos we took while we were in Japan, Hawaii and other points o’ interest.

As much as I think Catherine is adorable, I need to get more stuff online.

grumble grumble

so sick of it

ugh it just sucks

pffft

bah

whatever