crucible of ennui

Remember the art show I went to back in December? Well the bracelet is finished! And I totally LOVE IT!!! It’s everything I wanted. The artist, Cindy Bolin did a fabulous job. The more I wear it, the more I love it.

I love jewelry. My mom, Diane, loved jewelry too. I used to love to comb through her jewelry boxes when I was young and try everything on. I’d stack bracelets on my wrists and rings on every finger of both hands. I only had 1 set of earring holes at that point, so I compensated with clip on earrings up the side of my ears. My neck would swim with pearls, gold and silver chains and beads of every color.

I’ve always wanted a charm bracelet. But I wanted it to be special and unique. Something I could pass onto my own daughter, if given the chance. When I first saw Cindy at an art show, I was immediately draw to her style of jewelry. Everything is handmade and totally fulfilled that funky look I was craving. She has all kinds of neat earrings and bracelets – both charm and cuff styles. One of her most stunning pieces is this really beautiful mermaid ring done in silver, brass and copper.

For my bracelet – I started with 3 charms. There’s room for 4-5 more. Cindy designed and then crafted a representation of myself which turned out beautiful! I also wanted a charm for Catherine – so she created a cat’s head with one peridot eye (since Cat was born in May). For Glenn, she did a heart with wings, within a heart. I LOVE CINDY BOLIN!!!

I already know what I want for my next charm. My favorite, most bestest holiday is Halloween. Since I was born and raised in Southern California and am a 1/4 Mexican – I want her to design a sugar skull in silver with bright pink gemstone eyes.

Apparently it’s Alopecia Areata.

The doctor gave me a topical cream to help regrow the hair. (The only thing that would be better than a topical cream would be a contemporary salve. And then a news-worthy ointment… say ointment 5 times fast).

He said that if the topical cream didn’t work – there were steroid shots that should probably work. I don’t know about you… but I don’t think I’ll be lettin’ someone poke a needle in my scalp anytime soon. I may just have to change my nickname to Patches if it doesn’t grow back. There’s also the chance that it could get bigger and I lose more hair. Like I said before, if that happens, I’ll shave my head and wear a cool gypsy silk turban with some funky, jingly hoop earrings. Mecca lecca hi, mecca hiney ho!

Glenn said he would be freaked out if I got eyes tattooed on the back of my head. He said that even if the hair grew back he’d know those eyes were there and it would be creepy. And heaven knows I don’t want to psychologically scar the man.

I don’t think it’s a big deal. But I think a lot of people do. I was ordering lunch and bent over to look in my purse and the lady behind the register gasped. Like a really LOUD Bugs Bunny “GAAAAASSSSSP!!!!” kinda gasp. Like she’s never seen a woman with a little bald patch.

I also told my boss what’s going on and we both admitted a morbid fascination with the whole circumstance. There’s a perverse side of me that is super curious to know what I’d look like without hair. Do I think I have enough confidence to pull off that look? Hell yeah I do. (Disclaimer: The previous sentence is not a challenge to the powers that be to strike me with total baldness tomorrow. Please.)

The only bad news from the doctor was high blood pressure. I asked him if maybe it was high because of, hmmm… maybe… my hair falling out?!?!?

For the next two weeks I need to gather data and send it over to him and then make a follow-up appointment. In the mean time – No salt; I have to lose weight; I need to exercise; And finally no hooch of any kind.

Crap. And I was going to give up idiots for Lent.

Ladies and gentlemen! May I have your attention, please!
Do you wake every morning in shame and despair,
to discover your pillow is covered with hair,
what ought not to be there?  — Tobey, Sweeney Todd

I don’t know if this is a delayed karma bomb or an indication that something is wrong, but last night I learned that a quarter sized patch of my hair is missing.

Gone. poof. ¿adónde mi pelo fue?

Regardless of what caused the hair loss, it doesn’t look like it’s going to be growing back anytime soon from what I’m reading on the internet (purveyor of smut and needless worry). It could be 6 months to a year before it even starts to grow back. AND I don’t know if I’ll lose any more.

OMG – what if I loose little quarter-sized patches all over my scalp? That’s going to look pretty lame. If that happens, I’ll just shave my entire head and be done with it. On the other hand, this would be a fabulous excuse to grow a hat collection. (I won’t wear a beret since I had my ass kicked in 7th grade by 4 scary chola girls for wearing one). CRAP – tall people are going to notice it right away.

You know what’s really weird? Feeling my scalp. I never thought there would be a time that I wouldn’t have my hair. I took it for granted that as a female, I wouldn’t have to face hair loss.

And I have a horrible fascination with the little bald patch. My hand keeps gravitating to my head and my fingers search out and trace the hairless circle on the top of my head. It looks like a cantaloupe. A hairy cantaloupe.

Maybe this is just a present from life welcoming me to the beginning of middle-age. Or maybe Glenn is secretly cutting off my hair while I’m sleeping.

I’ll make a doctor appointment today.

“Adgy has the clap!”

“Yeah, cause your mom gave it to me.”

“My mother’s a saint.”

“A saint with the clap.”

A friend of mine who shall remain anonymous (but named Lisa) asks at the end of every story I tell, “are you making that up? is that for real?”

Yes, all my stories are guaranteed 100% true. When necessary, I will strive to provide photographic evidence to back-up any and all claims I make. In the absence of visual proof, I will try to provide first hand accounts that will back up my original claims of freakiness.

Lisa does the BEST EVAH Sean Connery impression. Spot on. Dead ringer. She’s also the one with fabulous taste that introduced me to Koringa, La Femme Fakir. I fell in love with it the moment I saw it framed at her place. Now I have a copy framed in my dining room and Laurie also has a copy framed at her place. MMmm… snake lady with a funky afro.

Now Lisa has the coolest of things going on in her life – twins! Boy and Girl. Instant Family, just add breast milk. As soon as I get over my cold, I’m coming over to suck on their tiny baby toes.

Last night Catherine & I went to hear my niece’s choir sing Christmas songs at a local church complex. Cat did okay, but it was hard for her to keep still towards the end of the performance.

It was pretty much over for us when the pastor guy was doing his end of festivities prayer and Cat was all over the place. I did the mommy-face and asked her to please sit still for just 2 more minutes and then she took a swipe at me.

Game. Over.

She instantly knew she crossed the line. I gathered our stuff up and we walked to just outside the church because I think there’s a no beating policy in most places of worship. I was pretty pissed off and needed a frame of reference other than myself or a 3 year old and called Glenn. I think it was probably punishment enough to have to listen to me tell her father what she had done and even worse was when we actually got home. As we drove the 5 minutes home, I was in Mommy-lecture mode. We walked up to the porch and she looked at me like, “Aren’t you going to open the door?” and I was all, “No – you need to go in and deal with THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS.” Dude – so when did the ghost of my mother take over my body.

The final punishment – 3 nights no Wii.

I am Sweeney Mom.

Catherine sometimes forgets at night to get that little piece of chocolate from her advent calendar. So when she finally does remember, she has to catch up and crams 3-4 pieces into her mouth at once and then dances around the living room, singing “Fingle Mells.”

but I’m back

Yay! Glenn is coming home this Thursday! He’s been in training at Southwest since May 10. He was able to come home for Catherine’s birthday, but that’s it. It’ll be nice to have him home again.

I’ve been neglecting this blog for a while now… just got too wrapped up in mundane everyday crap. Once I get Catherine to bed, it’s my time to usually log into WoW and slaughter make believe monsters and enemy players – quite relaxing.

It’s HOT! It’s just a wonderful, lazy start to summer!

My focus for the upcoming year will be reinvention. It’s a milestone year – not for any superficial reasons. But the feeling that this year will be different. For Glenn. For myself. For Catherine – she will have so much to learn and experience.

Reinvention. How can I apply this concept in my own life to generate the most possibilities? I need to look at my career/job. I need to focus on getting my company off the ground. I need to be able to spend as much time as possible with my daughter. I need to win the lottery. I need to mastermind a plan to take over the world and it’s rich supply of chocolate.

Oh yes… it will all come together this year.