crucible of ennui

Cat: Mommy, dinner is extra yummy tonight. It feels like it’s giving my tongue kisses.

my job position was eliminated today. boo. I hate it when that happens.

I may wear cheap shoes, but I do not wear cheap fragrance. I’ve always had a few bottles of something on my dresser - from childhood through the present. Now that I’m older and have the means (occasionally), I’m having a blast!

My core collection is mainly from Creed. 2000 Flowers, Love in White, and my most favorite scent ever, Angélique Encens. These seem to cover whatever mood or season I’m in at the time.

I did have the opportunity to try a sample of Wode by Boudicca. Wow. The first impression I got was you really have to be confident with yourself to wear this. It layers wonderfully and as it wears, different scents emerge.

But seriously, I felt like I wanted to slap my breast with my broadsword as I charged off into battle. But I didn’t cause I’m at work and there’s a no bare bewbie policy.

Did you ever have a pair of shoes that you never, ever wanted to give up?

Did they make you feel like a princess in a fairy tale or complete every single outfit you could throw together?

Obviously you were thinking of your red mary janes.

Perfection in shoe engineering.

Some ladies have a wardrobe of black shoes: pumps, wedges, flats, loafters, sling-back mules, open-toed spectators, ankle mid-calf and hip boots. The list could go on forever when you include construction materials.

Black is great. It’s a wardrobe staple. But so is red.

Each spring I fix in my mind the perfect pair of shoes that will carry me through the summer. They have to be fun and go with skirts and jeans. I should be able to wear them to work or shopping on the weekends. I need no-brainer shoes.

I need new red mary janes.

December always starts out with Tamale Weekend and it was totally the best ever this year. My favorite tamales were Peg’s Poblano chile, corn and cheese one. Second were my green chile chicken tamales. I still have a few left to enjoy later this month. I horde them, like precious nuts to a greedy squirrel.

This year I felt pretty confident we knew what we were doing.

This Green Chile & Shredded Chicken filling could be used for burritos or soft tacos or taco salad (you see where I’m going with this…) And the recipe is stupid easy. You know I’m lazy and found a way to do this with minimal effort.

4 cups shredded chicken
6 tablespoons chili powder
4 tablespoons chicken broth
1/2 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon cilantro
1 small can chopped green chiles or 1/2 cup

Seriously - pick up 2 roasted chickens from the deli area at the market. Pick them chicken, shred that meat and you will have 4 cups shredded chicken. Mix all ingredients well and set aside. The filling can be made 2 to 3 days ahead and kept in the refrigerator. The flavor is amazing.

I think my favorite part of Tamale Day is the working women dynamic. The stories and jokes fly, loud cackling. Women being women. I think that next year I’m going to give up manning the stove and work more on assembly. I may have control issues with it, so I’m going to step back and let someone else go for it.

I love feeling the masa in my hands and wrapping the tamales. I always wrap mine con amore (and a little bit of spite).

So not only was it Halloween yesterday… but it’s raining today. Can it get any better?!?!? yes… but let’s keep it clean folks.

Last night was so cool. There was this old school vibe in the air - LOTS of kids roaming the neighborhood in packs, laughing and being loud. I had to refill the candy container twice. Some really cool costumes… hats off to the kid dressed as a nerd who foiled a quadratic equation on my front porch… bravo.

I was going to head out to Hollywood Cemetery tonight to photograph all the neat stuff going on… but the rain has probably changed my plans. I don’t want to be cold and alone, wandering around a cemetery photographing alters of the dead… only if it wasn’t raining.

And there is an art show I’d like to see if they don’t get rained out.

But none of it matters… it’s raining and it’s cold and it’s wonderful.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.
—Ambrose Redmoon

The breeze today carries the pacific over the mountains and I salute memories stirred early this morning. Ocean airs bring ghosts and unfinished music to life again, to swirl around my silly head. They whisper and sigh, tap the lens behind my eyes and wait. I open up my windows wide to try and coax the air inside, to keep it by me a while.

West born winds are sometimes company for those whose minds fall in historic bends.

the devil winds have started again, stealing breath from my mouth and lungs. smoke and fire smells alternate on the shifting air. I’m burning again.

I wait until the house is quiet to pull the ladder out and climb onto the roof. I sit as high as I can to get a look at the mountains burning.

sun lit the smoke from behind this morning as it rose up from the fire rimmed eastern hills. the dawn normally pink, muddied brown and dangerous from soot.

an ember on a breeze lit the mountains to the west. now if I sit just so i can see towers of smoke in my peripheral vision. great thunderheads from hell.

a cinder lights on my head and quickly engulfs me in autumn fire. I dance as flames turn my clothes to ash and lick at my breasts and back. it scours me pure.

it’s the end of a cycle and a chance to remake elements of life into something different. something made stronger by fire. painful art of deconstruction contemplated atop my roof this monday morning.

I’ve been whammied. Acute Otitis Media - in both ears. I can’t believe how much pain an ear infection can cause. I developed it pretty quickly - overnight last week. I was up in San Luis Obispo and woke up at 2am Thursday morning in pain. Hot shower didn’t help. OTC pain relievers didn’t help. Camped out in front of the Urgent Care in SLO waiting for them to open at 8am. The doctor (who by the way was SUPER COOL. If you’re ever sick in SLO, go to the Urgent Care.) said that I had acute otitis media in both ears. Prescribed antibiotics, pain meds, nose spray, anti-inflammatory. In addition to the two inhalers I’ve been using to get rid of a viral asthmatic cough (which most likely caused the ear infections).

Got home Thursday afternoon. Slept. Then woke up with blood in my right ear canal. Perforated ear drum. It’ll heal on it’s own.

Now I can’t hear. I’ve lost a significant amount of hearing in both ears. From what I’ve read - it can take weeks to months to clear up. What a load of total shit. Everything is muffled and I have a constant ringing in my ears.

This is so uncool. Let me just say - the only thing I can remotely compare the pain level to is being in labor with Catherine. It’s this horrible, constant pain that drives you crazy and you want to run from it to just get away, but you can because it’s inside you.

I <3 Vicodin, btw.