crucible of ennui

I love the sun. If there’s a patch of sun, I want to be in it. I love the warmth and that wonderful drowzy feeling you get right before a heat stroke. Nowadays I limit my sun exposure to 1-2 weekends a year. As I get older, I’m getting paranoid about wrinkles and sunspots. It’s […]

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Damnit. 30 years later, I’ve finally achieved the perfect feathered cut.

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Me: Catherine, what sport has a “face-off?”
Cat: You.
Glenn: OOOOO - BURN. At least she didn’t say “your mama.”

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Asshat: “Have a wonderful Mother’s Day! Don’t drink too much.”
Me: …
Asshat: …
Me: “yeah. ’cause Mother’s Day is the biggest drinking day of the year.”

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Glenn: Mario Kart till we puke tonight!
Me: EXCELLENT. BE PREPARED TO EAT MY WII-DUST!
Glenn: In your Wii-dreams.

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License plate: MYNDMLD
License plate frame: Live Long and Prosper.

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When Andie & I were 4 & 5, one of the chores we had was picking all the snails out of the geraniums. We’d stick them to the sides of our red wagon, then pull our cargo out and put them in a line in the middle of the street in front of our house. Then we’d […]

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I’m not the best driver. But to my credit I only hit stationary and inanimate objects. So you’re completely in luck if you’re a person or animal. Not so lucky if you’re a parked car or mailbox.
Two weeks ago I accidently hit an air duct while backing into a parking space in an underground parking […]

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Catherine is finally at that magical age where the most socially inappropriate things come out of her mouth. Most of the time she is very considerate of other people and refrains from calling people ugly or silly-looking (unlike her mother).
This self-censoring ceases to exist while in the presence of little people.
At the grocery store where […]

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Most are familiar with Male Refrigerator Blindness (”MRB”) - the inability of the male to visually identify items within a refrigerator.
Unfortunately few are aware that MRB is at times a precursor to Selective Male Blindness (”SMB”). Scientists have discovered that MRB can progress from a general failure to locate milk, eggs, ketchup and cheese to more extreme […]

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