crucible of ennui

I looked over at a sweet, elderly lady across the aisle and noticed we’re reading the same smutty book. She’s further along than me and has a few pages folded over.

hubba hubba nana.

One skillet. No foolies.

1 package Italian sausage (like five sausages)
1 onion diced fine
1-2 red bell peppers
8 oz penne pasta (like 2 1/2 cups dry)
3 cloves garlic
1/4 tsp red pepper flakes
1 cup white wine
2 cups chicken broth
1/2 cup heavy cream
8 oz broccoli cut up into 1 inch pieces
1/2 cup parmesean cheese
1/2 tsp balsamic vinegar
1 tbsp fresh chopped basil

In a pretty big skillet cook the sausage, casings removed. Once browned, remove from skillet to drain. Cook onions and peppers in sausage fat until softened. Throw in the dry pasta to toast a bit with the veggies for a few minutes. Add garlic and pepper flakes, stir a few times. Add wine, broth and cream. Cover and bring to a boil. Stir and bring to a simmer until pasta just starts to soften (like 8-10 minutes). Arrange broccoli on top of everything and cover. Cook until pasta is done (probably another 8-10 minutes). Off heat stir in parmesean cheese, vinegar, basil and sausage. Throw in a bowl and serve.

Done. One pan clean-up.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.
—Ambrose Redmoon

The breeze today carries the pacific over the mountains and I salute memories stirred early this morning. Ocean airs bring ghosts and unfinished music to life again, to swirl around my silly head. They whisper and sigh, tap the lens behind my eyes and wait. I open up my windows wide to try and coax the air inside, to keep it by me a while.

West born winds are sometimes company for those whose minds fall in historic bends.

Apparently you can’t sue God if you can’t serve him the papers.

Oh those crazy Huskers.

the devil winds have started again, stealing breath from my mouth and lungs. smoke and fire smells alternate on the shifting air. I’m burning again.

I wait until the house is quiet to pull the ladder out and climb onto the roof. I sit as high as I can to get a look at the mountains burning.

sun lit the smoke from behind this morning as it rose up from the fire rimmed eastern hills. the dawn normally pink, muddied brown and dangerous from soot.

an ember on a breeze lit the mountains to the west. now if I sit just so i can see towers of smoke in my peripheral vision. great thunderheads from hell.

a cinder lights on my head and quickly engulfs me in autumn fire. I dance as flames turn my clothes to ash and lick at my breasts and back. it scours me pure.

it’s the end of a cycle and a chance to remake elements of life into something different. something made stronger by fire. painful art of deconstruction contemplated atop my roof this monday morning.

I’ve been whammied. Acute Otitis Media - in both ears. I can’t believe how much pain an ear infection can cause. I developed it pretty quickly - overnight last week. I was up in San Luis Obispo and woke up at 2am Thursday morning in pain. Hot shower didn’t help. OTC pain relievers didn’t help. Camped out in front of the Urgent Care in SLO waiting for them to open at 8am. The doctor (who by the way was SUPER COOL. If you’re ever sick in SLO, go to the Urgent Care.) said that I had acute otitis media in both ears. Prescribed antibiotics, pain meds, nose spray, anti-inflammatory. In addition to the two inhalers I’ve been using to get rid of a viral asthmatic cough (which most likely caused the ear infections).

Got home Thursday afternoon. Slept. Then woke up with blood in my right ear canal. Perforated ear drum. It’ll heal on it’s own.

Now I can’t hear. I’ve lost a significant amount of hearing in both ears. From what I’ve read - it can take weeks to months to clear up. What a load of total shit. Everything is muffled and I have a constant ringing in my ears.

This is so uncool. Let me just say - the only thing I can remotely compare the pain level to is being in labor with Catherine. It’s this horrible, constant pain that drives you crazy and you want to run from it to just get away, but you can because it’s inside you.

I <3 Vicodin, btw.

The Shoe Pavilion at Tampa & Victory (Valley Rats - you know where I’m talking about) is going out of business. Beth got the HOTTEST red patent leather ankle strap heels there.

I need those red shoes.