crucible of ennui

So I’m going through my closet…

Black
Black
Black
Gray
Black
Navy
Black

You get the picture. Ugh… it’s like I’m in high school again. All I need is to whip out the Depeche Mode and Cure tapes, start smoking clove cigs again and bitch about my parents.

I need to go shopping.

Work is work. If it was fun, it wouldn’t be called work.

Glenn got the job!!!

Uh huh uh huh… do a little dance… fly a little on Southwest… get down tonight…

It’s raining buckets. And I so don’t want to be here at work. Way back in the day, Kristi (one of my oldest friends - I’ve known her since junior high school) and I would ditch class (in college) when it was rainy like this. We would head back to her condo, stop by Chan’s Wok on the corner for their tasty 2 item lunch special and camp out on the sofa playing Super Mario Brothers.

It was always fun over at Kristi’s. On days their poodle was scheduled for a groomer appointment, we would do something like paint it’s toe nails, give her a mohawk.

Before you call PETA, please note that this dog was well cared for. Maggie the Poodle lived quite the pampered life. I was over there around lunchtime one day and started poking around the fridge for something to eat. There was a tasty-looking little meatloaf on a plate under cling wrap, so I pulled it out, sliced off two pieces and popped it into the microwave. Kristi meanwhile was sitting on the other side of the breakfast bar just watching me put around their kitchen. I assemble what I think to be quite the meatloaf sandwich, with toasted bread, mustard and even a pickle spear. I am just about to bite into that sucker when Kristi looks over at me and says, “You know, that meatloaf is Maggie’s “special” food. The only people food in the house is popcorn.”

Stab her.

Which goes into another story of Kristi - the family ate lots of popcorn. All the time. Sometimes Linda would make a HUGE bowl of popcorn and that’s what they would eat for dinner. At Christmas time when everyone gave those big popcorn tins of flavored popcorn - sign that family up for 10. Heaven forbid if Kristi and her younger sister, Jenny, wanted the same flavor of popcorn. One would end up grabbing the bag and the other would give chase around the room until something got broke.

It’s all fun and games, till someone loses and eye. Then it’s a sport.

I’m pretty crabby/grumpy/bitchy at the moment. I’m a horrible housekeeper on many different levels, I procrastinate in every aspect of my life, I’m arrogant, jump to wrong conclustions and can spit a loogie farther than most men I know to this day.

Resolutions. I’m just not in the mood to make them. I feel like if I make a New Year resolution, it’s doomed to fall by the wayside.

The one thing I would love to change about myself is the determination and fortitude to finish projects. This would help me in so many different ways. I start out wonderfully, then lose steam way before anything gets accomplished. Then all my projects stack up, nothing gets done and I’m surrounded by piles of crap that are a reflections of my failure.  Which makes baby Jesus cry.

And I’ve got to say, it hurt to type out “failure.” Little tears of shame started to well up. Not sure if it’s self pity, inadequacy or frustration, maybe a combination of a few different things.

I hate PMS on January 1.