crucible of ennui

I couldn’t even finish my last journal entry. Conference was a huge success and a huge disappointment – all wrapped into one huge couch-sized jagged hor d’orves I was forced to choke down then feign contentment. My boss got complete credit for all the work I put into conference. And although she thanked me for the hard work I put in, it doesn’t matter since she will never correct the perceptions that people made regarding her work and effort on conference. I kept holding out hope that somehow someone would see what was going on, but it’s just not going to happen. And I’m just plain tired.

Last year at this time I was up for a promotion into the department I’ve wanted to be in since I started here over 4 years ago. I take partial responsibility for that going down the drain – over-enthusiasm on my part and I learned a very important lesson on trust and humble pie. Ugh. And it was mighty bitter, let me tell ya.

I don’t know how much more is appropriate for me to swallow and suck up before I either permanently become a doormat or need to leave. And it makes me sick.